Relationships change
Relationships change.
My life is full of relationships. Some started when I was born, some when I was in school, some in adulthood. A couple new ones started just this summer! I believe all of these relationships are eternal but none of them stays the same. Each relationship changes as the people involved live and change. And the nature of these relationships also changes over time.
For example, I have a very different relationship with my mother now than I did when I was first born. I was 100% dependent on my mom when I was a baby. Over the years, with her help, I grew up and became more independent. And, over the years, I learned how to be healthier in my relationship with my mother, in ways that are better for both of us. We’ll always be mother and daughter, but the nature of our relationship has changed.
I have a different relationship now with my brother than we had as kids. He’s changed and I’ve changed. We have more in common now. Also, I’m less judgmental and I experience him as more curious. I’m really enjoying this brother-sister thing I have with him at this time in our lives!
I have a different relationship now with my grandmother than I did when she was alive. I was devastated as a child when she died. For awhile I thought our relationship was over and we were separated. But I’ve learned that we're still connected, just now in a different way. I no longer sense her with my five senses, but when I need her, I’m aware of her presence intuitively, and I can still feel her love.
Same people, learning, growing, living, dying, changing over time. Same people in different relationships.
As I sit here typing this email, I can hear my aunt in the other room, breathing in the rhythm of one who is in the last stages of hospice care. Our relationship is different today than it was last week when I was here. Last time, we chatted about family and world politics and how fall is her favorite season. Even as she was slowing down, we continued to enjoy each other’s company. Today I’m not sure if she recognizes my voice, and she’s in and out of consciousness. She’s getting ready to die. Once she’s gone, we’ll be in next phase of our relationship, one that will include for me a journey through loss and grief. But I know there will still be moments of joy even as I miss her. I’m not sure what her journey will be like, but I’m pretty sure it'll be all that she believes it will be.
And she’ll still be my aunt and I’ll still be her niece, just in a new and different phase of our relationship.❤️
