What motivates behavior?

All behavior is motivated by unmet needs.

Every. Single. Bit.

This is powerful information.

When you find yourself doing something that you wish you wouldn’t do, remember: there’s a really good reason why you’re doing this. You have an unmet need that is motivating you to do the thing you’re doing.

For example, I noticed that on certain days, I'd grab a book and read the afternoon away. Even if I had other things to do around the house or errands to run. Or Clarity Emails to write. Instead, I’d start feeling listless and unmotivated, curl up on the couch and read historical fiction. I know there’s nothing ‘wrong' with reading a good book, but when there are other things I’d like to accomplish, an extended escape like that can disrupt my schedule and upend my desired outcomes for the day.

Add to this any guilt or shame we feel for doing what we think we shouldn't do and this can be a real downward spiral for some of us.

So what to do.

First ask yourself: “What are my unmet needs here?” With a little introspection, I could see that on some days I was feeling frightened and insecure about the great big world out there. Behind those feelings were my unmet needs for safety, security, calm and quiet. While my unconscious go-to for meeting those needs might be literary escapism, sometimes that wasn’t my best choice, all things considered.

So here’s the thing: once you know what your unmet needs are, you can consciously choose how you want to meet them. You are now empowered to decide other ways to provide yourself with what you need.

Once I realized that I needed safety, security, calm and quiet, my energy was freed up to imagine how to meet those specific needs. A walk in the woods, or sitting near a lake for calm and quiet. A bit of meditation or prayer to reconnect with the Loving Universe and the support that’s always available to me. Maybe a big hug from my husband or one of my kids or a dear friend.

There’s so much power in choosing how to meet our needs instead of unconsciously defaulting to something that's temporary and ultimately unsatisfying. This kind of awareness empowers us to identify our unmet needs, clarify our ability to make different choices, and take action to take care of ourselves.

So the next time you feel frustrated or guilty about some unwanted behavior, remember: All behavior is motivated by unmet needs. And you’ll be well on your way to more clarity, awareness and personal empowerment.