Proud to be a perfectionist
I’m digging into some really cool concepts around perfectionism and personal power in Katherine Morgan Schafler’s The Perfectionist’s Guide to Losing Control.
The most potent thing I’ve gotten so far from my first read-through is Schafler’s perspective on perfectionism as a potentially healthy and powerful part of one’s personality. What a great reframe! How exciting to take a culturally iffy personality trait and lift it up as a super-power! Now, there are important stipulations to this, like am I choosing to use my perfectionism for good or evil? How can I tap into the motivation and inspiration (even urgency) I feel when I envision big, bold, beautiful possibilities that outreach the status quo? What’s my tolerance for frustration and disappointment as I live imperfectly as a human being among other human beings? How do I moderate my perfectionist expectations with a spiritual practice of detachment?
I’m also impressed with Schafler’s focus on self-kindness and the choice we have to pause our habitual dive into self-judgment and self-criticism. We can recognize that in many disappointing or difficult situations, I’m actually experiencing pain, and deserve to acknowledge this and take care of myself.
She encourages this self-care with the soothing therapeutic phrase "You’re allowed to…" as in you’re allowed to be angry about that or you’re allowed to step back from that or you’re allowed to no longer care. We can make the choice to release self-judgment and give ourselves a break, tapping into the innate love and compassion as it bubbles up from within us.
You can imagine my glee as I continue to find many connections between this and Marshall Rosenberg’s non-violent communication! What a joy to hear powerful truths shared from a variety of perspectives!
If you haven’t read it, I recommend the book for these and other reasons, and will continue digging into this and other resources to amplify the good work of self-care, self-compassion, personal growth and spiritual awareness.
